Self Sabotage

This past weekend my friend from DC paid me a visit and it was great catching with her! We hadn’t seen each other for at least 2 years, so we had a lot to talk about. She began opening up to me about the new job that she recently transferred to DC for that she seemed excited about. We continued to talk about her job, specifically about how much traveling she had to do within the next few weeks. Within our conversation she kept going back to her work and how much she had accomplished in just 3 short months. I thought about wow, that’s great! Then she started talking about her personal goals, which somewhat went along with work but it was still personal to her. That’s when I realized she was self-sabotaging her personal goals to accomplish her work goals.

Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems in our life and interferes with long-standing goals. Among the most common self-sabotaging behaviors are procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting. These acts may seem helpful in the moment, but they ultimately undermine us, especially when we engage in them repeatedly.

www.psychologytoday.com

She would stress about work but yet get everything that needed to be done with work completed but her individual goals just sat there. I don’t know if you’ve been there before but I have plenty of times. It’s when you’re at work and there’s an approaching deadline on a project, you don’t get up for breaks; I mean no water break, no lunch break, hell not even a bathroom break (knowing you’ve held it for hours). If you’re an overachiever or even a workaholic you’re probably shaken your head in agreement with all of that. Well, did you know you’re also self-sabotaging as well?

When I told her this she said, “Wow…but why!” Why am I self-sabotaging my own personal goals but when it’s something for someone else (job, friends, etc) am putting that first. Honestly, I couldn’t answer that question for her but I know I can answer it for myself. For so long other people’s problems or goals have been more important than my own and it’s simply because I ALLOW it! We have to stop allowing our work to become more important than our purpose. If you died your “job” would have an ad for your job on indeed 1-2 days later. Why? Because it’s a business and life goes on whether you’re alive or not. We’re breaking our backs for someone else’s dreams/goals but aren’t craving out out the time to fulfill our own.

So the question I have for you is: Are self-sabotaging yourself with your current personal goals? Self-sabotaging includes: Procrastination, negative self-talk, and perfectionism. We’ve all committed self-sabotage in one way or another, but you must find out your own “why.” Take time to reflect on why you aren’t moving forward. Sometimes it’s the fear of success (in my case) but in any case change your pattern. Take action. Pick one goal that you can work on. And hey, don’t forget to celebrate your small victories even if it’s just turning on the computer.

You’ve got this! Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow. Stop putting yourself last and be proactive in self-care because ultimately taking care of your personal goals is self-care. P.S. Give yourself grace.

Love,

Kineatra