This past weekend I was had a very encouraging conversation with my cousin about the past. We talked about various topics but there was one specific topic that I wanted to talk about, so I did. My cousin is very outspoken and will be brutally honest if you ask her to be. Let’s just say if you ask her opinion on anything get ready for the naked truth.

 

As I open my mouth to try and get out how I’m feeling she immediately stops me. She said, “Kineatra, you and your mother are fixers.” I ask her what she means, “You try to fix people who don’t want to be fixed.” I sat there in shock. What? No, I just want to help people and make things better for them because I know I can help. “No, Kineatra, people can’t help who they are,”she said. You have to let people be who they are.

 

“Let people be who they are.”

 

This was a word. Let people be who they are. I’ve heard this before but in different wording something like “If someone shows you who they believe them the first time.” We’ve all heard that, right? Well, something happened when my cousin said this. I’m a rescuer. If someone needs help I forget about myself, jump ship, and run to their rescue. They may not even ask for my help but I can “see” something going wrong.

“People can’t help who they are.”

Whether someone is choosing to be broke mentally or physically that’s their choice. Whether someone is choosing to make the same mistakes over and over and they know the end result that’s their choice. So, basically if someone is choosing to be dumb and not change than let them. This is what I’m learning and to stop taking on responsibility for them not fixing their issues. You can’t fix someone especially if they don’t want to be fixed. People are really good at pretending to be who you want them to be, but that’s only for so long then they’ll go right back to making the same stupid decisions they made.  So to any other “rescuers” out there, please know you can’t fix it/them. It’s going to be what it is until that person or thing sees it needs to be changed. 

“You can’t change the ways somebody chooses to stay stuck in.”

Let them remain stuck. There’s nothing you could have done to change someone who has no interest in change. Stop taking responsibility and put that same guilt back upon who or whatever should claim it. Some battles will never be won. And you know what? That’s okay. You have your own battles to win.